NARCISSISTIC GASLIGHTERS

Long ago, while employed, a colleague of mine in product marketing used to mock at me regularly, telling me that many sales managers with whom I am communicating, feel that I am not in touch with reality, whenever I send them new campaign directions. Funnily, I never heard this from any sales personnel directly within the company. 

A Marwari entrepreneur friend in the same business vertical as I was, whenever we used to meet, told me me that he genuinely feel for me and my company but my way of handing a particular principal vendor was incorrect. (It was another thing that he also had this vendor as his supplier)

A young and enthusiastic auditor friend with a good background, an associate in the movement that we are part of, used to shower me all the respect on one-on-one basis, whenever got an opportunity in a crowd with me, cut jokes at my expenses

An advocate member of the club that I had chartered, used to listen to my speeches in the club intently but once it is over, will publicly remark in the end, “what else is expected of you, as usual, you did that long winding speech”

In my professional, personal and social life, I had come across enough of such associates/friends (?) trying to upset me or ridicule me with such comments, assessing me incorrectly, trying to manipulate the reality around me, I used to wonder, ‘why they do so’? 

Upon my reading and research over the period, I had realised that these are the envious narcissistic gaslighters, doing it to upset my self esteem, thus trying to off balance me, making me think that something is wrong with me. 

Gaslighting is defined as a manipulative tactic employed by someone to gain power & control over the other, planting seeds of uncertainty thus affecting other’s self esteem through the process of self-doubt. When it is done to you by egoistic people who are jealous of your abilities, they turn out to be Narcissistic Gaslighters. 

Through outright lying, manipulating reality, scapegoating and coercion, the gaslighter tries to intentionally distort your reality, making you feel that what you are  seeing or feeling isn't real. This could even affect your mental wellness. 

The gaslighters try to show that they love / respect you but their intent is to serve themselves, whether it is to gain more power or control or to feel that they are better than others.

How do you handle the envious, narcissistic, gaslighter? 

When you recognise one, as much as possible, be away from him. You consciously stand firm in your truth even if he is trying to use communication to make you self doubt. Do not indulge him or try to outsmart him, that is what he is waiting to pile on you further. By increasing the support system around you and sharing the truth with them you can help yourself retain sanity.

Beware of the gaslighters, they are toxic!